My Personal Cum Story

Holy shit! I just drove by this gas station and gas is like $1.49. That is so freaking cool! Especially when you drive a gas guzzling SUV from 1995 like I do. I'm cumming in my pants, that's so cool.

Wait. Stop. Before you cease reading this because I used the word "cum," let's step back a take a closer look at this vilified word.

Wait. Stop again. As I write this, I'm contemplating not posting this because it's about a word that causes such a visceral reaction in people. I'm considering not posting it because I'm afraid to post it. But whenever I'm afraid to post something because of its outrageousness factor that tells me I should post it.

I think most of us immediately react when we hear this word. We don't stop and think first. It's a reactionary word. And this is what I want everyone to remember. This is not about cum, it's about the WORD "cum" and the LETTERS that comprise the word, um, "cum." It's just a WORD with LETTERS.

It's sort of gross for me to see "cum" in quotes. "Cum." Yuck. What's grosser? Cum without quotes, or "cum" in quotes? I think "cumming" in quotes is grosser. I "came" in your quotes.

I know this girl who uses the phrase "cum buckets" to describe that place on men that is below their waist but above their crotch. She describes it as the place that only really fit guys have. It's like an indented V that starts at the waist and goes down to the crotch area. Or maybe she calls it "cum troughs." I was shocked and disgusted when I first heard it; then I wanted to know how she came up with the phrase. Then I was even more disgusted. But I won’t go into that part. Cum buckets. Yick.

This brings me back to taking a closer look at the word "cum." It conjures up all sorts of images and meanings. But it's just a WORD. Take it apart and what do you have: C, U, and M. Gimme a C! Gimme a U! Gimme an M! What've you got!

Separate the letters and they mean nothing. C means nothing. U means nothing. M means nothing. I feel nothing. But how come when we put them all together it affects us and suddenly I feel something? In my pants.

Why have we placed this word on a pedestal? A "cum" pedestal. It's the meaning behind the word that means something to us. The meaning that we have given this word is where it gets its power. I am trying to be analytical here in an attempt to take away some of the meaning of the word.

When I used to live in Phoenix there was this convenience store called "Kum-n-Go." I kid you not. What Einstein came up with that bright idea? "Hey, let's name our store Kum-n-Go." This should not be the name of a convenient store; this should be the name of an adult book store. Not that I know about such things. Anyway, the name was eventually changed to "Come-n-Go." Not great, but better.

I am still contemplating not posting this since it is about the word "cum" and I know that will repel some of you. You may have stopped reading already. I keep telling myself it's just a word. It's just a word and I am afraid to post this word. This tells me I should post it because I am afraid to post it. When I wake up the next day regretful and feeling foolish over what I posted, then I know it was the right thing to do. It's like when you're drunk and you say a bunch of stupid things and you wake up the next day and think to yourself, "I can't believe I said and did those things." Except, that I'm not drunk; I'm completely sober. It's just a word. It's just a word.

Okay, Mr. Smartey Pants, if it's just a word then why are you so freaked out about posting this?! Huh? Answer me that, Mr. Big Shot. Mr. Cum In Your Pants.

By now, you must be thinking I will post about anything if it gets a laugh. If it gets a laugh, then it's worth it, right? You're right. Comedy knows no bounds, after all. But I'm really trying to make a point here about the word "cum." But just remember this, it's not the sound of the word that's sticky, I mean icky, it's the meaning behind it, and WE give the word power by giving it meaning.

So, for me, give the word zero power. Take away the power of the word. Render it completely and totally immobile so that I can say cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cum. See, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Some of you may find nothing wrong with the word "cum." Obviously, you weren't raised Catholic. And if you weren't raised Catholic then you surely aren't aware that sex is a sin. And if you aren't aware that sex is a sin then you most definitely don't know that condoms and any form of birth control are sinful. And if you don't know those things you then you haven't been paying attention.

'Tis the season to be sinful, fa la la la la la la la la.

This post was brought to you by the letters C, U, and M, and the numbers 6 and 9.