Pubic Seeds in the Back of My Throat

Fuck it. Despite the fact that we are now a laptop only household I am going to give it a go and start using this damn laptop. The only reason I don't like using laptops is because I am not accustomed to them, but, like everything else in life, once I start using it on a day to day basis I know it will become as common as scratching my balls. Which reminds me, you won’t find me using a laptop on my lap anytime soon because I read somewhere about the heat from a laptop doing some sort of damage to a man’s johnson and his accessories? So the laptop rests on a desk for now until they start making laptops that won't damage my "man bizness." I also try to keep my cell phone out of my pocket for long periods of time because I heard a similar story about cell phones wrecking havoc on a man's spermies and junk. But if I do have a cell phone in my pants it’s always on vibrate. Perverts in the House Say “Yeah!”

Today for lunch I made this turkey sandwich with a poppy seed roll. I like poppy seeds. Well, ya know how poppy seeds are. The little buggers get all over the place. They're like bb's being loaded into a bb gun. They go all over. After I made my mesquite turkey, havarti cheese, mayo, poppy seed sandwich I also made a peanut butter and honey sandwich for a snack later in the day. I made the peanut butter and honey sandwich on the same plate I made the poppy sandwich and as I was cleaning up I got a little peanut butter and poppy seed mixed together on my fingers. Two great tastes in one candy bar. No big deal, I just licked them off my fingers. Well, on the way to work I felt something in the back of my throat, like a tickle that you can't reach or a pubic hair that gets caught in the back of your throat. (Oral Sex Aficionados in the House Say, “Yeah!”). No matter how hard I tried with my tongue I couldn't reach that pubic hair in the back of my throat. Except that it wasn't a pubic hair. It was poppy seeds. I figured that the peanut butter acted as some sort of epoxy-agent and stuck those damn poppy seeds to the back of my throat. For the rest of the day I kept using my tongue to unhinge those damn poppies. I stuck my fingers down my throat, a straw, an extra long pubic hair, anything to get those poppy seeds unstuck. It wasn’t until the next morning that I finally felt some relief.

And speaking of my balls…here’s a recent picture of me wearing what I like to call a badass mother f*****ng(shut your mouth) outfit.

For the record, this picture was not taken at our place of residence. But you have to ask yourself, why in the background of this photo is there a jar of vaseline sitting on top of a jar of peanut butter, next to some spices.